Alex Jones, the proprietor of the online supplement store and conspiracy theory outlet Infowars, theorized today that liberal lesbians seek out people who will torture them and eat their brains.
On today’s Infowars broadcast, Jones claimed that “most of the so-called liberal lesbians” are women who want men with a “duck’s ass haircut and the James Dean outfit” to physically slap them around, and that if they can’t find men who fit the bill, they will turn to women who do.
“Most of these butch lesbians, they want to be the guy smacking the hot chick around. They think that’s manly. And a lot of the chicks, they like it, see, because no man will do that to them, and I’m not saying it’s good if a man does that, but some women like it. And if they can’t find a man to smack them around, well they found them a girl gonna do it real good—knock them upside their head and have ‘50 Shades of Grey’ about the sexy rich guy that’s going to chain you up,” Jones said.
Jones then proceeded to describe what happens after a liberal lesbian dominatrix chains someone up.
“Of course, you’re gonna go get chained up one time. They’re gonna put that devil mask or that piggy mask on. They’re gonna say, ‘Now I’m gonna torture you for about six weeks, so start begging for your mommy and your daddy.’ That’s the liberals. They want to get you in a dungeon. They want to strap you down and take a buzz saw and cut the top of your head off like a pumpkin and pull it off and get a little spoon and go, when you’re looking in the mirror—this is one thing I know they like to do—they go ‘I’m going to eat your brain now.’”
Jones then devolved into an impression of his imagined liberal lesbian dominatrix torturing a captor that is difficult to explain.
“Let’s start at the side areas here, because we don’t want to take away your sight at the back or your thinking in the front. I’m gonna eat your cerebral cortex last,” Jones said, beginning to scream in his studio.
“I’ve got power. I love Satan,” Jones yelled, growing louder and louder. “And I’m gonna suck you dry and I’m going to torture you to death. And you’re going to follow my liberal orders, and you’re going to talk like I talk, and you’re going to be guilty when I say you’re guilty. And you’re gonna bow to me.”
