Right-wing radio host, commentator, conspiracy theorist and Donald Trump–obsessed sycophant Wayne Allyn Root kicked off his radio program yesterday with an epic rant in which he declared that the recent FBI raid on the office of President Trump's personal attorney, Michael Cohen, is rooted in "penis envy" on the part of special counsel Robert Mueller.
"Robert Mueller has probably never had sex in his life," Root said. "I know he has never had sex with a beautiful woman. Did you ever see the angry look on Robert Mueller's face? Robert Mueller needs sex badly and he is so jealous that Donald Trump was a billionaire playboy and obviously had sex with the most beautiful women in the world."
"Robert Mueller has penis envy," he continued. "This is so obvious. This was high school, guys. In high school, there were handsome guys, and then there were handsome guys who were jocks, and then there were handsome guys who were jocks and had rich fathers. And that is Donald Trump. And then all the little nerds like Robert Mueller, who had never had sex in their whole lives, they hated the jocks, they hated the handsome guys, and they really hated the jocks who were handsome guys who were rich. This guy, Muller, has never had sex with a beautiful woman, so he hates Trump with a passion."
"The greatest president in modern history, a man is trying to take him down who is a pervert," Root added. "Robert Mueller is a pervert. He probably sits home and watches porn. He has probably never had a girl in his whole life, a beautiful woman, so he sits and watches images and then he realizes there is someone like Donald Trump who is living every man's fantasy ... [Mueller] doesn't even know what sex feels like. Robert Mueller is an ugly lawyer, he's got nothing going for him."
"Mueller is a little pervert," Root continued to rant. "Mueller is vicious, Mueller is disgusting, Mueller is a pervert. Can you imagine what he does at home at night? Who knows what he does, watching his computer images of Donald Trump and beautiful women. I can just guess what Mueller is doing in the dark, with the light of the screen glaring on him inside is office at 12 midnight. Quote me, Robert Mueller: You're a pervert, you're a loser, you're ugly, you have never had a beautiful women in your life and you're jealous of Donald Trump. It is all so clear now."
"It's penis envy," Root declared triumphantly. "Mueller's is smaller than Trump's."
Root returned to this topic during the third hour of his show, which airs on Newsmax, where he declared that Mueller probably "had no date for the prom, my guess is he was a virgin in high school and he is just jealous that Donald Trump always gets the girls."
