When it gets to the holiday season here at Right Wing Watch, our inboxes are flooded with warnings about the “War on Christmas,” often accompanied by year-end fundraising pitches or, better yet, Christmas gift ideas.
As a public service, we’ve compiled some of the best of these into our annual Right Wing Watch War on Christmas gift guide, where you can find something for everyone on your list.
For The Party-Loving Prepper
Televangelist Jim Bakker may have served time in prison for fraud charges related to a previous television ministry, but that hasn’t deterred him from his mission to make sure that his followers are prepared for the End Times with expensive buckets of survival food.
Bakker recommends waiting out the nuclear winter with his 55-gallon milk buckets or sipping on $160 buckets of creamy potato soup, but the really generous gift would be Bakker’s $3,500 seven-year supply of food, including festive desserts that will allow you to “have parties when the world is coming apart.”
Don’t be deterred by the elitist critics who describe the “odd, lingering aftertastes” of Bakker’s food buckets or pan them as “one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten in my life.”
For The Public Official Who Just Really Doesn’t Want To Do Her Job
The War on Christmas began early this year, when Rowan County, Kentucky, clerk Kim Davis became a Religious Right hero after her ill-fated attempts to exempt her county from the Supreme Court’s marriage equality ruling landed her briefly in jail.
What better way to show your support for Davis’ nonsensical legal arguments than by ordering this nonsensical t-shirt?
For The Ted Cruz Fan With A Strong Stomach
Sen. Ted Cruz liked conservative street artist Sabo’s depiction of him as a tattooed tough guy so much that his presidential campaign is selling it in poster form. Or, it was until the $55 prints sold out.
(Apparently the campaign has opted not to sell Sabo’s other most famous work, Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis as “ Abortion Barbie.”)
For The Ted Cruz Fan With A Festive Spirit
For the Cruz supporter with a more wholesome sensibility, consider this sweater, which Cruz’s campaign instructs supporters to wear while setting “an example for the ‘tolerant left’” by saying “Merry Christmas every chance you get!”
For The Downcast Jeb Bush Supporter
Why should Ted Cruz supporters get all the cool merch? For just $20, you can get a deserving friend or relative this stylish Jeb Bush Christmas ornament, guaranteed to cheer up anyone who’s been looking at his poll numbers.
For The Relative With ‘A Case Of The Bah-Humbugs’
Kirk Cameron’s movie “Saving Christmas” came out last year, but the DVD was released last month, just in time to stuff the stockings of loved ones who need a reminder of the true spirit of the season.
In the movie, Cameron plays a pro-Christmas warrior who must cure his brother-in-law of “a bad case of the bah-humbugs.” Film critic Peter Sobczynski writes that the movie is “little more than a screed delivered by Kirk Cameron scorning everyone who doesn't celebrate the season as ostentatiously as he does, justifying his attitude with bits and pieces gleaned from the Bible, delivered in the most self-righteous manner imaginable. The result is perhaps the only Christmas movie I can think of, especially of the religious-themed variety, that seems to flat-out endorse materialism, greed and outright gluttony.”
The Wrap’s Alonso Duralde, however, was pleasantly surprised: “I had assumed it would be a 90-minute jeremiad aimed at atheists, Jews, Muslims, and other people who don’t celebrate Christmas exactly the way Kirk Cameron does. Instead, it’s an 80-minute jeremiad aimed at other Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas exactly the way Kirk Cameron does.”
For The State Legislator Who Knows Too Much
Back in January, the influential Iowa conservative group The Family Leader (whose president, Bob Vander Plaats, just recently endorsed Cruz) raised money to distribute $100 leather-bound copies of David Barton’s “The Founders Bible” to every Iowa state legislator.
In Barton’s commentary, we wrote at the time, legislators would find “a retelling of Exodus that portrays Moses as the inventor of republican government; a made-up story about the early American government printing Bibles; an endorsement of the 'Christian nation' concept from a notorious defender of slavery; information on the 'many areas in which the Constitution specifically incorporated Biblical principles'; and an argument for the biblical origin of DNA evidence.”
Why settle for a Bible when you could have a Bible supplemented by misleading American history?
For The Birther Who Will Never Give Up
President Obama may be entering his last year in office, but the conservative news source WorldNetDaily will never give up on its quest to prove that Obama was ineligible for the presidency all along. What better gift for a similarly persistent loved one than these bumper stickers from the WND store, which a recent email from WND points out would make great stocking stuffers.
Happy holidays!
